Yet another name change.. I promise this one will be the last one for a while. Only those close to me will know its significance off the bat, but I thought I would share...
Taken from the lyrics of a My Chemical Romance song, S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W
Move your body when the sunlight dies
Everybody hide your body from the scarecrow
Everybody hide
Make a wish when your childhood dies
Hear the knock, knock, knock when she cries
We're all alone tonight
Hold your breath when a black bird flies
Count to seventeen and close your eyes
I'll keep you safe inside
He burns my skin
Never mind about the shape I'm in
I'll keep you safe tonight, y-yeah
Move your body when the sunlight dies
Everybody hide your body from the scarecrow
Everybody hide
Move your body when the sunlight dies
Everybody hide your body from the scarecrow
Everybody hide
Blow a kiss at the methane skies
See the rust through your playground eyes
We're all in love tonight. (all in love tonight)
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/m/my_chemical_romance/scarecrow.html ]
Leave a dream where the fallout lies
Watch it grow with the tearstain dries
To keep you safe tonight
Heat burns my skin
Never mattered 'bout the shape I'm in
I'll keep you safe tonight, y-yeah
Move your body when the sunlight dies
Everybody hide your body from the scarecrow
Everybody hide
Move your body when the sunlight dies
Everybody hide your body from the scarecrow
Everybody hide
Love, love, love won't stop this
Bomb, bomb, love won't stop this
Bomb, bomb, love won't stop this
Run, run, bunny run
Run, run, bunny run
Move your body when the sunlight dies
Everybody hide your body from the scarecrow
Everybody hide
Move your body when the sunlight dies
Everybody hide your body from the scarecrow
Everybody hide
Move your body when the sunlight dies
Everybody hide your body from the scarecrow
Everybody hide
Move your body when the sunlight dies
Everybody hide your body from the scarecrow
Everybody hide
Not only does the song inspire me to pick up the pace when I am running, but the symbolism mimics a few things that have happened in my life.
Late last year, a figurative bomb was dropped on me. It was confirmed to me that most people in life are around you because you can provide them something. Further, I learned that although I thought had pushed myself to excel in my field, to be a compassionate and dedicated professional, that those closest to me truly believed that I was a failure in my life. That I do not have the backbone to do what is right. Or perhaps, what they think is right?
Something shattered in my life. The world turned upside down and entered 2011...a year that I wish would hurry up and end. In my friends lives there has been loss of careers, loss of beloved parents (ironically both due to cancers I could not even help palliate) and loss of trust. In my family, there has been loss of trust, pride and respect of me.
Maybe the turning point was brewing for a while and I did not see it coming. All my life I knew my brother and sister are the athletic ones. They are the social butterflies. They are respected for this. They are strong. They succeed in a cut throat world. A place where I shrink and hide away.
I have never been strong either physically or emotionally. So when I felt as if the world turned against me, I turned to training as an escape. As a place to vent my frustrations through physical exertion. As an added benefit, I am able to contribute to a worthy cause through our charity work with LLS.
I am proud of what I have achieved so far, albeit small gains. I proud that I have taken a broken body and pushed it past where others thought I would never walk again. Now I am a fit size 12 instead of 200+ pounds for the rest of my life and be plagued with diabetes, hypertension, and all the comorbidities that come with them. So be it, despite these gains have come at the cost of pride and respect from those around me. Or perhaps the realization that the pride and respect that I thought was there truly was never there.
So after the fallout at the close of 2010 I run for my life, to regain my life, my pride and to no longer hide away when the sunlight dies.
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