If You Break Down

There are times in life when you feel as if you have about to hit the wall or reached the end of your rope and you are terrified to fall down into an overwhelming abyss. It is in this those times when others lift you up. Take you, the stubborn, broken mess of you and bring you back to reality. Bring you back to understanding your purpose in this mad world. 

Most of my life I have been told failure is a weakness. Fear and sadness are a sign of frailty. Trying to find humor in it, I always think to myself, "There is no crying in baseball!". Heh. 

So if you have to cry, you do it in hiding. You keep it to yourself. It used to be so easy. There are moments though that the feelings overwhelm you. They brim over the cup that is your soul and you just cannot contain these emotions. It is then that my weakness shows. That you learn just how vulnerable I truly am.

It is then when having someone in your life that stands by your side despite the vulnerability, then shame of breaking down takes you into their arms, their heart and shares your pain.  I always have songs for the soundtrack of my life...well for that special person who is there for me:

If You Break Down
So you've come to a day
where you wish the clocks
went backwards
in the cover of night
you're asking the stars to stay
asking satellites
to stop and help you to remember
how to picture the world
before everything had changed

If you break down
I'm at your shoulder
Take me at my word
You can break down
I will tell you over and over
A reliable sound is coming around
If you break down

If fear comes without invitation
and lays its head
in the green of your tired eyes
if it's paralyzing
I will wake you
We will walk a thousand paces
walk away, walk away
till you are walking on your own

And if you break down
I'm at your shoulder
Take me at my word
You can break down
I will tell you over and over
A reliable sound is coming around
If you break down
A reliable sound,
I'm coming round
If you break down

If you break down,
Look no further
Take me at my word
You can break down
I will tell you over and over
A reliable sound is coming around
A reliable sound is coming around
If you break down

Take my word
I'm coming around 

Lately I have been ever so much more sensitive, rash, and having difficulty keeping my sadness in check. My career is not the easiest emotionally  and now I am battling with my own body. I hope I do not drive those I love away with my insensitivity. 

I thank this person that has my heart, truly my friend. I know deep in me that there will always be that presence at my shoulder and the reliable sound just off in the distance.

I only hope I can be that for him.